Let the sun beat

STRAWBERRIES

by Edwin Morgan

'There were never strawberries
like the ones we had
that sultry afternoon
sitting on the step
of the open french window
facing each other
your knees held in mine
the blue plates in our laps
the strawberries glistening
in the hot sunlight
we dipped them in sugar
looking at each other
not hurrying the feast
for one to come
the empty plates
laid on the stone together
with the two forks crossed
and I bent towards you
sweet in that air
in my arms
abandoned like a child
from your eager mouth
the taste of strawberries
in my memory
lean back again
let me love you

let the sun beat
on our forgetfulness
one hour of all
the heat intense
and summer lightning
on the Kilpatrick hills

let the storm wash the plates' 





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Old photo, new poem, same feelings. 

Glorious Ruins.

It's been a while & I reckon it's time for a regular, good old-fashioned update on what's been happening... I've always been a big list-maker, so here's how life has been in the past couple of weeks in five parts:



1. Old friends, food, drink & live music.  


Five more weeks till Sweden & I'm treasuring every moment I have with the people here before I leave. Lunches at Marche & dinners at Saveur, watching the Goodfellas at Timbre with Tiara & Kieran whilst getting drowsy from the multiple LIITs & of course, the inevitable late-night suppers. Have also been spending a lot of time at the movies (Great Expectations, Now You See Me, World War Z & hell, even that monsters university animation), which is great except that I keep falling asleep halfway. It's been lovely, nonetheless.

2. Church Camp 2013: Serpong, Indonesia.


Wow. I can honestly say that this has been the best church camp I have ever gone for in the sixteen (yes, sixteen!) years of being an NLCCian. This year we had a combined camp with one of our sister churches in Serpong, a small township outside Jakarta. Church camp is always refreshing & something I look forward to every two years but there was just something special about this years' camp, a combination of certain events & the relationships built with people that made it different & perhaps even ground-breaking.

The highlights:

Churros from a shop called Churreria. We went after these deep-fried treats & their range of chocolate dips like rabid dogs, rushing to the mega mall (right next to our hotel) every night after service to get some. In all honesty, they weren't that fantastic, but somehow sharing these warm, sugary snacks with a bunch of people whose company you genuinely enjoy made them taste so much better.

We also patronized a very hipster cafe called d'journal (or 'DJ ournal' by most of us, coined by Schist) that served pretty good cafe lattes & an assortment of teas every single day. Great hangout spot & plus, they didn't kick us out till 2am.

Had the privilege to be a part of the craziest team in church camp, proudly named 'LIGHTLY SALTED', an eclectic mix of odds & ends: teenagers, little kids & a bunch of parents. It's amazing how we managed to do the wacky night item & the cheer, thanks to our leaders (Alex & Bea) & frankly, because of how creative the parents were. Always ended up in stitches at the end of each rehearsal & enjoyed every moment together. What an awesome bunch of people!

This was the other youth team lead by Pat & Megan (my cool roomie since 2012 lol) that was so amazing, both in their cheer & name & wacky night item. Pity we didn't get to spend much time together though.

Another amazing part of church camp was the worship. I remember just feeling so overwhelmed & partially frustrated before camp at the thought of doing/leading worship for four services, worrying about practice times & music sheets & the biggest headache of all, setlists. Oh, dreaded setlists. It didn't help that my throat felt as raw as sandpaper &that I could barely string a sentence together without a hacking cough. Really could not see how church camp could be enjoyable with so much to do, but God really came through in a time of desperation & weariness & did something so powerful through us in the praise & worship sessions. It seems surreal to talk about it now, about how everything just came together & about how people abandoned themselves fully to worship despite the crackling sound system & power failures. & this was regardless of whether it was a full band or just a guitar & two voices leading. It just showed me how much God could move when we fully relied on Him! I'm beginning to understand what people mean when they say that excellence in worship comes not solely from our skills but from the trust that each musician had in each other, & the trust that a worship leader has on his or her team & vice versa. I just have to say that I'm part of an amazing, amazing team.

It's a crazy rant, I know! It was just cool to see the church, particularly our youth group, be so deep in worship night after night. Not caring about what another person was doing, not caring about how he or she looked like to another. It was as if a dam had broken, as if a wall had come down. What a privilege it was, to be a part of it all.

Besides worship & all the team stuff, we didn't do much else except hang out at DJ-ournal or each others' rooms, talking late into the night. The last night, after megs & I invited a bunch of meandering youth to our room, word unexpectedly got around that everyone was gathering at 1106 & by 1am, there were about twenty people squished in our tiny hotel room. It was a little insane, how we managed to order room service & play bridge & the classic 'animal' game despite how exhausted everyone was... Great great fun though.

Though it was mad tiring with all the music rehearsals & team rehearsals & planning for a birthday surprise (Happy birthday Anthea & Beatrice! Love you both.) while also attempting to squeeze in time with my family, I had a real blast. Church camp has just barely passed but I'm already eager for youth camp 2014 & what new things it'll bring!



3. Work.

After deliberating on work opportunities for a while, I ended up helping out at Oops Asia again this summer. It's always a privilege & joy to go back because everyone feels like family & we always have a good time together, whether if it's at a ministry event or jamming spontaneously in the studio or just laughing over something during lunch.

Particularly excited for our new media videos that we're currently experimenting with & shooting. I love little artsy ventures like these where it allows our team to get creative & create something uniquely 'ours'.

(P.S. what I wore to work sometime last week. Love the chill office vibe, something I often take for granted!)




4. Rest.

There isn't much time for this at all, but when there's an hour or so to spare, I love delving deep into old comforts: poetry, song-writing or best of all, afternoon naps. Can't wait for the couple of weeks just before I leave where I can have tons more of this!

Also, having tea in my lovely, new, firetruck-red tea set! Back story: Last tuesday after a gruelling day of work & before young adults lifenet, I met Andry alone for a quick talk at the coffeeshop because he said he had something 'urgent' to discuss with me. After the talk (which had made me slightly anxious the preceding days but turned out to be about nothing much at all), we walked over to church in time for lifenet to start. But when andry opened the door to the main sanctuary, I got a whole lot of poppers & noise & a rousing 'SURPRISE' thrown at me by a combination of youth & young adults...! What a crazy surprise. Turns out that lifenet was but a farce & that Jenn & Jordan etc had been planning a surprise 21st birthday party for me for a while. The rationale was that I would be in Sweden during my actual birthday & they couldn't celebrate it with me, but it was still totally absurd because my birthday wasn't for another six months. Still, it was really, really sweet (until Circle of Death happened... HAHA). I received a tea set & a double set of TWG teas from everyone, which shows how well they know me ;) I can't believe how fortunate I am to have such thoughtful & amazing friends, & I'm grateful for them everyday.

So thank you all, it was incredible.



5. Sunsets & stuff

Photos taken during our nature trip to chek jawa last Friday, which I had to wake up at 550am for. I surprised myself & a lot of other people simply by getting up at all & staggering out of the house. Interesting trip & good fellowship & took some nice photos, but it's going to take much more than this the next time I wake up before dawn.

That's about it for now. It's currently 6am & I've spent the past two & a half hours just putting this together... somehow, it just felt important to do so. I could go on, but it would be mad to continue & so ends the longest post ever.

Will write again soon, but for now, good night!

Within & WIthout

“In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars.” 

The Great Gatsby

F. Scott Fitzgerald

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I recently caught up with a dear friend C, who is currently studying journalism & English literature in the dreamy city of Paris. We talked like how old friends often do: naturally & unabashedly & sometimes absent-mindedly & so it was shocking when she suddenly stopped in her tracks & scolded me for the way I blogged. C, one of the few loyal readers left of this forgotten online space, told me to blog about something concrete, & not to be so vague & nebulous (a word we are fond of throwing around lately) as I 'always' am. It was puzzling to me at first, but it's true. Many writers do feel an obligation to always write about a compelling issue, to publish a review on an art film or an electronic product, or to update his/her readers on a life-changing moment, but the thing is that life isn't always about great, big stories like that. Life isn't just made up of momentous events; it's made up of a million minuscule occurrences too.

So here are a few 'concrete' things that have been happening in mine lately. For starters, the entire office spent an entire Saturday celebrating Alarice's & Calvin's wedding union two weekends ago. What can I say? The chapel was resplendent, the ceremony was lovely & the dinner after was intimate & special. It was a wonderful way to spend an evening, getting drowsy with beer & sleep with friends under fairy lights & flags. I couldn't be happier for Rice, who's been like an older sister to me the past couple of years, at my workplace & elsewhere. The journey is only beginning & I'm so stoked to see how God uses this amazing couple in his kingdom :)

Have been meeting up with the girls (& a couple of dudes) from church often too, for meals or movies or just pure conversation. It started out with a strict sense of urgency, where the ending of sophomore year made me realise how quickly I would be leaving this country for exchange in Sweden & well, I really did want to meet everyone at least once before that. This quickly changed though, with teas turning into dinners & shopping trips turning into 4 hour-long talks at the nearest coffeehouse. I love spending time with these friends & mentors & younger youth. These are the people I've taken for granted for more than 15 years but I am certainly grateful for every one of them.

There are so many more things to write about. Books I've been reading & music I've been listening to. Art exhibitions & time spent with S. The Great Gatsby film. Secret tea sessions & bizarre socials. Work & my hilarious colleagues. I love writing at this time of the night, where the air is still & the world stops, if only for this twilight hour. It's as if God reserved this time, or created midnight at all to let people think & write. But for now the hour is late & that will all have to wait till next time.

P.S. I hope this is concrete enough for you, C. Love. 

Blue

Hello, San Francisco
City, not of dreams,
but little things
how blue one feels
without you

Hello, San Francisco
so spartan & in sync
a city that beats
I'm glad I caught you
with my teeth
& sank deep, sank deep

Don't you know
my sea-salt love
I would go
to north Sausalito
& beyond
to taste you on my tongue


Hello, San Francisco
A paperback dream
& the flush of spring
I will learn to love
all the unsavoury parts of you


Oh San Francisco
perhaps this is long overdue
but I hope you know
that I will learn to love
all the unsavoury parts of you

_________________________________________________________________

It's been about a year & I haven't written many songs or poems about my trip to San Francisco CA last summer, which is strange because I remember so much of it; the dreamy carousel fraught with fathers & their pink-frocked daughters, the tang of salt on my upper lip, sharp smells of clam chowder & seafood & freshly-baked sourdough on the pier at eight-thirty in the morning. I should though, before these tactile & sensory images turn to dust. It's how one preserves special memories, by turning it into song...

Thrifting & Prufrocking & Other things

In summer, I came over
& made you my lover
& do you remember 
how you said
show me your bones &
I'll show you mine
so I did

we went to the market
not to buy
but to kiss & see
& the rest of autumn we did nothing 
but build birds out of paint & parts 
& make sense of nothing at all
one surely must wonder
when it went wrong

Perhaps I was remiss 
when I thought
that voices might burst from 
my cavity's chest &
turn into song

(29/3/2013)

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Summer break is finally here! There's nothing more refreshing than leisurely thrift-shopping & an iced-tea in a forgotten coffee house & of course... the end of sophomore year! Like most 'vacationing' college students, there's a massive list of things to do during this three-month-long holiday, starting with getting a job to cure the state of being perpetually broke. Then there's errands we've been putting off, old school friends to meet, reunions to plan, missed birthdays to be celebrated... but that can wait, if only for a little while.

First, more lazy afternoons like these. Simon Armitage poetry & the Beach Boys on repeat. An ice-cream cone in one hand & a camera in another, a solitary walk, the start of all adventures. All because T.S Eliot once said that 'There will be time / there will be time / to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet' but then today isn't one of those days. Today, time is yours & yours alone but only if you let it be...



I'll write again soon. Have a wonderful summer

Roma

'We are in a painted room, rising from a new world. Here, there are no mirrors, only eyes. Only a trunkful of vinyl & the clicking of hearts in the insides of ears. In the course of the night the world has already changed remarkably & yet you & I have remained almost exactly the same which is sad but also very beautiful. You open your mouth & taste the edges of the day that is yet to come, so warm & so bare. This is the space we have come to inhabit or the space love inhabits or the space the idea of love inhabits. All around us, words settle like flecks of dark chocolate. I say, it's this part I enjoy most, the morning arguments about nothing at all. Is it only the conversation you like? Well no, but I like it best. Like the fizz that spills over a tall glass of root beer. You laugh. So stick out your tongue. Morning peeks through, & then floods. One cannot help but feel walled in, familiar as the shadows that lie on the floor may be, or however lovely the comfort offered by hollowed bed cocoons may be, because after all a room is a room is a room & a room must have walls. You are usually a person filled with light, very much of zeal but today you have gone to seed. Lie down and talk to me, you plead but already your eyes are like dark caves & once again you are alone in sleep. So I leave. Outside, the city throbs and I try very hard to be in the same vein, weaving through oceans of people & its smells; buildings sweating with toil & the crisp metallic tang of pavement stones. I ache for something else altogether. Nature, maybe. Anywhere away from here. In this crowd, I can't help thinking: If I cried out now, would anyone stop? Would anyone hear me? Perhaps I should have stayed with you. You, who are so young, not quite ripe, not a boy but certainly not a man yet. Now we will be children together, that is what you said when we met, when I was still not yet sewn into the fabric of this landscape. The tender flesh of the inside of a tomato, a song made out of milk & honey, racing profiles & patterns across a darkened room, intoxicated by liquor & the promises of a night forgotten before it can be created. Skin & a lock of hair... could you carry me off to an unfamiliar room? I wonder if I would ever again have the opportunity to fall in love with a stranger. Universes & fragments... Suddenly I want you here with me very, very badly. Mi amado, de alguna manera nuestras formas encajan...

Even when I walk the streets alone, I wear your love like a soft scarf.

The darkening sky will soon sweep the light away. Tonight we will go out & take in, inhale this territory still so foreign to me. Perhaps you will take me dancing after, or for a music show in a clandestine loft only we & a few know of, where the air is stale but the sound is fresh. When the bass kicks in, perhaps the crowd might surge with the exhilaration that lasts only for a span of a song. Perhaps, when we fall back onto the sheets together & ride the soft velvet waves back into dream, the city will feel more like home.'

In paper & ink

Sometimes, stories are the only things that matter.

Summer camp

'Whitewashed minds. Delicate old men with nondescript faces. And all these people. So tired, you had to lie flat on your stomach & bury your face in grass but it was alright because you were young & beautiful. I was there too. I opened my eyes & saw only green & for a few minutes or hours or days, my world only existed in one magnificent colour, how I wished it was turquoise instead but then you said we are miles from the sea & the only blue I ever wanted was in eyes. Take me seriously, because the lights are fading & time is wasting away & it all comes down to this: I will love you if you let me. If you love me, let me know.'

(October 2012)